I'm editing my thesis

which is a 92 page ridiculously long paper my liberal arts college makes all undergrad do their senior year (why?! If Harvard doesn't require it, I really don't think we should. BUT WE DO.) And basically, you work on it all year, and you have two professors who act as your advisors and edit your work and you meet with them like every three weeks and they say "This part sucks, this part is awesome!" Well, mostly this part sucks, fix it, and then you go home to your dorm and sit on your messy bed and watch whole seasons of Drop Dead Diva instead of productively editing like you should and then two days before the next chapter is due for review you FREAK OUT and stay up for A GAJILLION HOURS and edit. Which is just very productive and awesome.

Anyway, I did just that. And after my lots of hours sitting around typing like a crazy person, doing extensive research and watching every season of How I Met Your Mother, Drop Dead Diva and I Shouldn't Be Alive, I am three days away from the deadline and actually pretty happy with my ridiculously long paper about weight loss blogging (which is going to be SO useful in real grown up life. hahahaha.) And my main reader, she think its pretty good and just told me to fix my long sentences and that commas are my friend and to frollick along happily because I am almost done.

My SECOND reader, however, told me to change all the things. And add like a gajillion other points without making it any longer (which I could only do if I lived in Harry Potter land because paper doesn't stay the same size when you are adding to it in Muggle land. At least, I haven't figured out how to, if you know how, TELL ME IN THE NEXT 3 DAYS! I'll send you cupcakes that I bought from a store because I suck at baking) and after I sat around and pouted for the last 4 days, and drank a lot of margaritas/ate donuts/went to a sweaty weird dance party, I am now sitting down to go through her edits. and they are making me SO MAD. NOT ONLY does she want me to add a gajillion things I just don't have time to add, but she also does thinks like this:

1.)

2.) 

3.) 

OK. I don't know if you agree, but to me, those things are NOT NECESSARY TO EDIT. This is a creative writing memoiry section of my thesis. It's in my writing style, it's supposed to be kind of informal, which she ok-ed. How is replacing "that" with "like" in that sentence even important!? I don't even know if there's anything grammatically incorrect with that. And sure, maybe saying "so much energy" is not as academic as "a lot of" energy but I don't think it gives the same tone and vibe as the other.

AND THE KILLER ONE is in a "small" versus "little" middle class neighborhood. THOSE ARE SYNONYMS FOR THE SAME WORD. HOW AM I WRONG?!

Oh man. it's driving me insane. I am so happy to change things that are grammatically incorrect or run-ony or whatever, I have sent this paper to everyone who wants to read it so that I can have as many edits as possible. But little things like that over and over and over again? Are slowly making me crazy.

OH ALSO apparently you can not say the word "incredible" or "incredibly" ever in any kind of writing ever. She always crosses it out. And says "no." I like that word. I want to use it. I feel incredibly sad I cannot.

Ok, important side note, especially if one day I get super blog famous and she finds this blog and cries because I dissed her editing which is never going to happen because even if I was famous I'm pretty sure she has lots of important cool professory things to be doing, but if it did I must cover my bases, she actually has been AMAZING this semester and super supportive and understanding and I have cried more than once in her office hours because I feel like I might explode from the anxieties of having to write way too many pages and look for jobs and be in college. (How I am going to handle REAL pressure in like, a month, I have no idea...) And she was awesome about me doing a kind of atypical and untraditional thesis topic and I really do love her. 

BUT RIGHT NOW, her little blue edits, are making me want to go a) drink some more drinks b) eat one million burgers c) get a tattoo d) jump off of my balcony so that I break my leg and don't have to do more thesis because I have traumatic stress disorder from the pain of the break and then thesis is over and they feel bad for me so they give me an A. Or like, pretend to have a mental breakdown or something. Or hide under my bed until graduation day.

Actually just all professors are pissing me off. Like my creative writing professor who keeps making a combination of these two faces:

This picture says: I am a very concerned teacher who is VERY WORRIED about your mental health and well-being because you haven't been to my office hours yet.

This picture says: Ummm, excuse me? Who do you think you are? I am a PUBLISHED AUTHOR you are just a silly SENIOR at a silly little college. How can you NOT have come see me in my office hours yet, hmmmmmmm? (only his version is less mean-girl looking than mine)

because I haven't come to his office hours yet. Bitch, I AM A SENIOR. It's April 17th. I'm still coming to class. THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH.

hahaha listen to me. I could sum up this whole entry like this: Liia is a bratty senior who feels like she doesn't need to listen to any professor or go to any class because she is a senior and it's sunny outside. And she complains about nice professors who just are doing their job and want to help. Therefore, Liia is just an ungrateful brat. Oh my. Ok, back to work now. (please don't stop coming back to read my blog because I sound like a huge brat. Right now, I think I'm being hilarious, but I might just be being rude and ridiculous and brattastic. Rudiculastic. I think I will post anyway) :)

There is one month until I graduate.

ONE MONTH. I am one of the many people graduating with a liberal arts degree (in gender studies), which seemed VERY relevant and VERY useful when I was studying it but now I realize does not have a very clear career path, especially since I am kind of unenthused about nonprofit work and teaching and/or anything that I'm qualified to do. Awesome. And sure, I've thought about grad school, but with no idea of what I want to do with my life, I just can't justify taking our more loans when I might be like, "Yes! I DO want to be a vet!" and then get to my second semester and be all, "Wait...I have to touch animals-that-are-not-cute-puppies? NO THANKS!" which would make me even more poor and confused so basically that makes me just a 23-year old who, like so many other people my age, is graduating with a lot of loans with a degree that, sure, made me think a lot, but is not immediately lucrative and with little to no idea about what I DO want to do with my life and I am, to say the least, a little freaked.

However, I have lots of great back up plans!

1)      Become famous via the internet and/or any other form of fame. However, I do not want to take auditions because they scare me so someone will have to just see me walking around and be like “Wow, underneath that stained t-shirt, awkwardly long jeans, crazy frazzly pony-tale, THERE IS A STAR! Hey you! Come be the NEW STAR of my NUMBER 1 TV SHOW! I had cast Reese Witherspoon, but NOW I NEED YOU!”
   I’d also accept, “BEAUTIFUL LADY! Come revolutionize the modeling industry with me as I make you the NUMBER ONE SUPERMODEL OF THE WORLD even though you are 5’2 and a size 8 because YOU ARE JUST THAT AWESOME! Tomorrow, we shoot the cover of Vogue and the next day Cosmo and the next day THE WORLD.” And/or “You! With the awesome bright orange gym shorts and awkwardly yellow-green t-shirt, you are just PERFECT! I will just pay you lots of dollars to go shopping and attend cool events!” All of those things are acceptable and I would approve as a job choice.

2)      I also have a health/fitness/complain-about-weight-loss blog. I would TOTALLY be ok with having, say, 3,000,000 followers, and/or then getting paid to do the things I’m already doing (aka working out way more than I’d like to, running long distance races kind of slowly, avoiding any kind of crunches and then writing about it online) and be wonderfully content.

3)      Get paid somewhere between...I don't know, 75,000-1,000,000 dollars (anywhere in between there is fine, or above that is cool too) to go to clubs/bars and dress up all fancy and sometimes dance/sometimes sell drinks/sometimes just walk around being awesome in glitter heels. OOOH and included in my salary are FREE GLITTER HEELS all the time! And/or other kinds of high heels like Louboutins, those would be cool too. Maybe I should get paid to wear cool shoes. I AM very short. I have a need for them. People could look at me and be all, “Woah, that girl is tall and awesome!” and then I could take off my shoes and be like “Not really, actually I’m super short! Aren’t these heels amazing?!” And then they’d say, “YES THEY ARE!!! Holy CRAP! I need to buy 10 pairs!!!!!!!!!!!” And I’d either a) sell them shoes because I am a walking advertisement/high-end shoes saleswoman or b) say, “Well you are in luck! The Amazing Fancy Expensive Shoe store is right around the corner, let me escort you there!” and then I would. That might be better than working at a club actually. So yes. My title would be Fancy Shoe Wearer Who Amazes People With Her Ability to Pretend to be Tall and Therefore Gets Everyone to Buy Shoes.

Best fall-back careers ever. Anyone who has an opening for one or all of these positions, TOTALLY email me. I will get back to you immediately and I promise I’ll be the best famous person/worker outer/shoe wearer you’ve ever had the pleasure to meet.