Things I spent my money on this weekend:

-margaritas (2 of them. They were orange tinted. And full of tequila. I feel sick now. Money well spent.)

-a delicious burger with bacon AND cheese AND barbecue sauce AND little tiny fried onion pieces on top of it. So, although it cost dollars I don't have, at least it was healthy and TOTALLY on my diet plan! (haha. Funny joke.)

-a chicken kabob and a crepe at the international festival we have every year on campus. That actually was pretty good. And I'd spend money on Nutella any day of the week. I'd sell all of my glassware for Nutella. I might even chop of a finger I don't need, like my pinky or something, if someone said "We need your pinky or else you will never get to eat Nutella again." I'd seriously consider it.

-a sandwich from Trader Joe's because I ran out of meal plans! That actually was justified. And I bought the cheapest sandwich I could find so I give myself an A on this purchase.

-alcoholic pear cider .....because every sandwich needs a five dollar alcoholic beverage to accompany it?

-a bagel with lox  

-Two episodes of Bridezillas on itunes. I HAD to buy these though because I found out my old boss was on it (!!!) But actually it just stressed me out and made me feel like I needed to save money for my wedding (which is not going to happen for AT LEAST five years. At least) RIGHT NOW so that I won't have to stress out over how much my nails cost and/or have to set up the tables by myself and buy my decorations at Party City HOLY SHIT!

(Woah, look. All of these things are food except for one. Nice. And not even healthy food. Even better.)

Things I did not do with my money on this weekend:

-buy toothpaste. I ran out of toothpaste on Friday so instead of buying more, I begged my friend to put some toothpaste in a little zip lock baggie for me so that I could just dip my tooth brush into my tooth-paste-bag and not have to spend the 5 dollars for a tube. Because she is so nice, she gave me a trial sized one she had in her house. Apparently toothpaste is not as important as margaritas.

-save dollars for my Vegas trip in 2 weeks. Apparently I am planning on going to go to Vegas with invisible money or maybe I'll take Monopoly money. That counts, right? The hotel will be like, "Oh, we understand. Burgers/margaritas/lox/episodes of crappy wedding TV shows are legitimate and necessary purchases. We'll accept your fake money and/or a hug instead of real live money. We hate real live money anyway."

-save dollars for an apartment.  Same as Vegas. Apparently I plan on spending invisible/imaginary money and/or trade hugs for rent. Anyone want to take me up on that? Anyone? Maybe I'll make a craigslist ad. Dear apartment-owner, I am very nice but I have no money because I spend it all on burgers and alcohol. Please rent me your apartment in exchange for any of the following things:
1) hugs
2) basic knowledge about gender and sex. We could have a weekly sit down where we discuss all the key and important things I learned in college.
3) high fives
4) recordings of myself singing along to karaoke tracks on garageband
5) free hair advice. I could even dye your hair if you want to go to Sally's Beauty Supply and buy the bleach and stuff. I'm pretty good at that. I can't promise, however, that your hair won't come out more than one color and/or feel like hay, but I'll do it!

-save dollars at all. 

So basically this weekend was a win all around for making grown-up life choices and getting ready for grown-up life. (The food was pretty good though.) 

There is one month until I graduate.

ONE MONTH. I am one of the many people graduating with a liberal arts degree (in gender studies), which seemed VERY relevant and VERY useful when I was studying it but now I realize does not have a very clear career path, especially since I am kind of unenthused about nonprofit work and teaching and/or anything that I'm qualified to do. Awesome. And sure, I've thought about grad school, but with no idea of what I want to do with my life, I just can't justify taking our more loans when I might be like, "Yes! I DO want to be a vet!" and then get to my second semester and be all, "Wait...I have to touch animals-that-are-not-cute-puppies? NO THANKS!" which would make me even more poor and confused so basically that makes me just a 23-year old who, like so many other people my age, is graduating with a lot of loans with a degree that, sure, made me think a lot, but is not immediately lucrative and with little to no idea about what I DO want to do with my life and I am, to say the least, a little freaked.

However, I have lots of great back up plans!

1)      Become famous via the internet and/or any other form of fame. However, I do not want to take auditions because they scare me so someone will have to just see me walking around and be like “Wow, underneath that stained t-shirt, awkwardly long jeans, crazy frazzly pony-tale, THERE IS A STAR! Hey you! Come be the NEW STAR of my NUMBER 1 TV SHOW! I had cast Reese Witherspoon, but NOW I NEED YOU!”
   I’d also accept, “BEAUTIFUL LADY! Come revolutionize the modeling industry with me as I make you the NUMBER ONE SUPERMODEL OF THE WORLD even though you are 5’2 and a size 8 because YOU ARE JUST THAT AWESOME! Tomorrow, we shoot the cover of Vogue and the next day Cosmo and the next day THE WORLD.” And/or “You! With the awesome bright orange gym shorts and awkwardly yellow-green t-shirt, you are just PERFECT! I will just pay you lots of dollars to go shopping and attend cool events!” All of those things are acceptable and I would approve as a job choice.

2)      I also have a health/fitness/complain-about-weight-loss blog. I would TOTALLY be ok with having, say, 3,000,000 followers, and/or then getting paid to do the things I’m already doing (aka working out way more than I’d like to, running long distance races kind of slowly, avoiding any kind of crunches and then writing about it online) and be wonderfully content.

3)      Get paid somewhere between...I don't know, 75,000-1,000,000 dollars (anywhere in between there is fine, or above that is cool too) to go to clubs/bars and dress up all fancy and sometimes dance/sometimes sell drinks/sometimes just walk around being awesome in glitter heels. OOOH and included in my salary are FREE GLITTER HEELS all the time! And/or other kinds of high heels like Louboutins, those would be cool too. Maybe I should get paid to wear cool shoes. I AM very short. I have a need for them. People could look at me and be all, “Woah, that girl is tall and awesome!” and then I could take off my shoes and be like “Not really, actually I’m super short! Aren’t these heels amazing?!” And then they’d say, “YES THEY ARE!!! Holy CRAP! I need to buy 10 pairs!!!!!!!!!!!” And I’d either a) sell them shoes because I am a walking advertisement/high-end shoes saleswoman or b) say, “Well you are in luck! The Amazing Fancy Expensive Shoe store is right around the corner, let me escort you there!” and then I would. That might be better than working at a club actually. So yes. My title would be Fancy Shoe Wearer Who Amazes People With Her Ability to Pretend to be Tall and Therefore Gets Everyone to Buy Shoes.

Best fall-back careers ever. Anyone who has an opening for one or all of these positions, TOTALLY email me. I will get back to you immediately and I promise I’ll be the best famous person/worker outer/shoe wearer you’ve ever had the pleasure to meet.