It's me, Liia.
I'm just writing to request one of the following things: so many 100 dollars bills that they fill my dorm room so much that when I open the door it falls into the hallway. OR a magical bag like Barney has that just spits out money so I can do lots of cool things but not have to worry about making my bills. YEAH WAIT I WANT THE BAG THING!
If you CAN'T give me that, I'd accept a job.
Here are my qualifications: I'm smart! I know how to write! I just turned in a super long thesis! I have a degree in gender studies so I can say "That's GENDERED!" if you want whenever I see things that are gendered! I also can not do that. I bet that would be super annoying. I wouldn't like it. But I'm flexible. I can also talk to you about The Bachelor and lots of random television shows for hours! I like glittery high heels and chocolate milk and I could...bring my boss milk? I'd probably not wear the glitter shoes at work. My feet would hurt so badly. Also I don't want to get into any weird, foot fetish-y type things, so I think it's best to avoid 4 inch sparkly heels in the day time.
But other than that, I'll take any job. Seriously, any job. Er...maybe not a garbage man-lady. Or something that involves fecal matter. Or.....anything that involves prostitution. Or snakes. Or angry evil elves. Or ghosts. Or anything supernatural.
BUT OTHER THAN THAT, really anything. Just say the word. I'll be the best ______ you've EVER SEEN!!!! (and sooner rather than later, because I kind of feel like I may lose my mind if I don't find employment soon. Kgreaththanks.)